• 3 Nintendo Games that will never happen. But Should

    The Wii U has been out for over a year without a lot of games to show for it. But that isn’t as disconcerting for me as the lack of concrete announced games, or more importantly the games I know will eventually be released. Nintendo hasn’t run with consistent third-party support since the Clinton administration. But luckily for them they’ve got massive pantheon of properties spanning that past 3o years they are destined to continue to do boring things with.

    A true successor to the Mario 64/Sunshine/Galaxy line of games would have been a very safe predictable thing to do that would have instantly sold a Wii U to me. Instead we got retro 2D Mario and Nintendo Land, which allows you to play facsimiles of the hypothetical Wii U games we’d actually want. And I have to admit that my nostalgia and irrational love of the previous series entries did not lead to me actually finishing Skyward Sword or Mario Galaxy 2 because there just wasn’t anything fundamentally new to discover, but there is a metric ton of potentially in things Nintendo outright ignores. This is why I’m going to spend some time imagining some fantasy games where they don’t.

    The actual Legend of Zelda

    We keep calling Link Zelda anyway, it has been over 25 years why not try a Zelda game where you actually play as Zelda? There is the Legend of Zelda: Clockwork Empire concept inspired by Anita Sarkeesian’s Tropes vs Women series. And it completely misses the point by switching Link and Zelda’s roles instead of letting you play as Zelda. Zelda has infinitely more personality than Link anyway. She’s been a wizard/ninja, and a pirate as well as getting the same sword and archery training as Link. A game where her errand boy never shows up and she takes the adventure on alone shifting through her various roles seriously programs itself. It makes no sense that this has never happened. Such an simple and obvious perspective change could reinvigorate the entire experience.

    But for real, check out the artwork, at least, it is really cool.


    Wario City

    If you are familiar with the WarioWare series you know that whatever Wario is to Mario, he’s got his own weird batch of ancillary characters in Diamond City just begging to do something other than host mini-games. Mona, Ashley, Jimmy and Captain Syrup are alive and fun in ways Princess Peach could never hope to be. Wario has had plenty of his own games, but he’s begging for a full on, devious off kilter analog to a Wario 64 style platformer that makes full use of his supporting cast.

    A 3D Wario game done like the main entries in the Wario series could easily translate fighting Boos into contending with Ashley and Red's witchcraft. There could be a crazy disco level in set in club Sugar (or Spice?). Maybe I want to experience Wario earning a star (or what the Wario version of that would be) delivering Pizza's for Mona Pizza before the goons from Pizza Dinosaur take him down.

    Pokemon Generations

    Back in the late ‘90s after finishing Pokemon Blue and not really seeing the point in Pokemon Yellow, I remember thinking to myself how cool a Pokemon game built more like Ulitma or Everquest would be. In fact the Pokemon universe felt so built for this there was no reason to imagine it. It was inevitable. And I was right years later a World of Warcraft would include a cutesy monster fighting mini game, and the illegal Pokemon Generations fan game would offer the game kind of experience. Including removing the strict turn-based nature of the fighting in favor of a more naturalistic system based on cooperation between the trainer and the pokemon.

    Why can't we have nice things?

    - The economy is still horrible
    - Nintendo is generally averse to risk and experimentation anyway. This is the company that wasn't sure about CDs fifteen years ago.
    - Video game fans are overly hostile to risk and experimentation. Just look what happened to Other M and DmC.
    - As I write this article I'm about year away from being so absorbed in the new Smash Bros I'll forget to bathe and eat.

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